January 22, 2008
Dear Administrative Board of Harvard College,
I can’t thank you enough for the decision to require me to withdraw June 2006. Being away from Harvard allowed me to mature; to lose my fears and inhibitions and find myself.
Even before my sudden leave of absence in 2005 as a result of my stepfather’s death at the hands of a drunk driver, I was struggling at Harvard. I felt alone and afraid and made few friends. My life before college had not prepared me to fend for myself. After my return in the fall of 2005, I continued to grow frustrated with my ability to keep up with friends and to succeed in my classes. My childhood memories confused me. I had never dealt with the issues I had experienced.
I spent the first few months of my withdrawal isolated and depressed. I was constantly haunted by the pains of my past and my current failure. During my time at Harvard, I struggled to figure out who I was and what I wanted or even liked. The only truths I acknowledged were the ones in my past. I felt like I didn’t fit in anywhere but didn’t even know enough about myself to try to fit in. Additionally, my husband and I found it difficult to live in Boston on his salary especially with the credit card debts I had accumulated over the previous year as a result of my stepfather’s death. After some prodding from my husband we finally moved back to Dallas on October 30, 2006.
After securing a job I looked for therapy in the one place I could afford without health insurance, a bilingual community behavioral health clinic where I could see a counselor for only $35. I remember walking in to meet this woman with tears in my eyes, my heart heavy and really doubtful she could even help me. Soon, however, I was meeting her once a week and making progress on issues from concentration, procrastination, and planning, to grief, faith, and confrontation. I learned how to work through my fears and accomplish the tasks before me without needing affirmation from those around me. I learned how to cope with the realities of my past without letting it hold me down. Since that time I have continued in therapy to further build my confidence and coping skills. Through my work with both of my therapist I have learned to live life for the moment without fear of the past and its potential reoccurrence.
I have worked at a C.P.A. firm since November 6, 2006 in various roles and my time here has taught me many lessons. It has taught me the value of organization in a hectic environment and the need to establish a plan to successfully complete multiple tasks. My time at this firm has put me under the mentorship of one of this country’s finest Latina business woman. With her guidance, I have learned to be more assertive and self confident, as opposed to my time at Harvard, where I had been so shy and afraid of the unknown.
I was only required to withdraw for one year, but I chose to take three semesters because I wanted to make sure that I was fully ready when and if I came back. I feel that this was the right decision for me, as I now feel truly prepared to return. I have learned to accept my past but live for the future.
If my petition is approved, I plan to live on campus while my husband stays in Dallas. With my husband in town it was difficult to be a student 24 hours a day/ 7 days a week. He is starting his own business and completely supports my decision to return. I want to return to Harvard and I feel ready to do so.
As I look at myself now, I am proud of who I have become, a confident Latina woman. I might never be completely unafraid, but I will no longer be crippled by my fear. I am a good wife, daughter, sister, friend, and hopefully soon, student. I am ready to return and I am comfortable with who I am; a work in progress.
